Hello, Heather here! WOW, what an amazing first week! Lauren and I send a huge thank you to all the ladies (and gents) who have read our stories and a big GYNA hug to all those who have submitted their own.

If you are just joining us, every Sunday we post a topic and every night we post a new story. You can check out last weeks by clicking below and to the right on That’s sooo last week.

Now, without further ado, welcome to week two!! This week’s topic is Wardrobe Malfunctions. Lauren and I had planned to start each week with a story of our own, as we have many… that was before we started hearing from you. Thank you for submitting! Keep ‘em coming! And remember, girl, you’re not alone!

THE SHOW MUST GO ON

I’m an actor and was doing travelling children’s theatre in Upstate New York. The show I was working on was called “There Once was a Long House where now There is Your House.” Each day, we would go into an elementary school, assemble the set, teach a class to the students, then give our performance.

This one morning, I bent over to snap two pieces of the set together and my pants split right down the back, AND I was wearing very risqué underwear. The kind that lace up the back! So I had to wrap myself in my garment bag, run to the bathroom to change into my costume, a Native American house dress.

To make matters worse, the theatre company had a strict rule that you could never be seen in an incomplete costume, so I had to put on my wig and shoes too! I spent the morning teaching fourth graders about the five nations of the Iroquois dressed in a house dress and wig – the rest of the cast taught their classes in khakis.

Katie
Chicago IL

Back in the day (when I had a social life) I went to an event held at a beautiful ballroom. I wore a fancy dress and, in order to try and look thin, I decided to wear my Mom’s granny/biker style girdle underneath the dress.

The ballroom had this very grand staircase (like the one from “Gone with the Wind.”) I was trying to gracefully walk down it, but, I missed a step and went tumbling down the
stairs! (I’m sure that it had nothing to do with the alcohol that I was consuming or the 4″ heels that I was wearing that night!) My dress practically flew over my head and everyone could see the VERY white girdle that I was wearing.

I was horrified! And did I mention I was BY MYSELF at the moment? The room was packed and I felt like I was in the EF Hutton commercial…all eyes were on me! It all happened so quickly! As soon as I fell, a nice guy came to my rescue. He asked if I was ok, put my shoes back on my feet, and helped me up. Now that I think about it he was really cute so I should have asked for mouth to mouth resuscitation!

Tumbling down the stairs was such an embarrassing moment but I guess that I should look on the bright side and be thankful that I chose to wear undergarments that night!

Chanel
Chesterfield, MO

After working at a Public Relations firm for over a year after college, I decided to get my Masters. I took the night program after a full work day which had me running into class often late and out of breath. One night, I was running very late, but it was either barely make it to class or the bathroom. The bathroom won. I was wearing a cute button-down, skirt (the skirt was a couple finger-lengths shorter than normal business attire), tights and heels. In the midst of making my bathroom visit not over a minute, I pulled up my pantyhose, smoothed the back of my skirt, washed my hands and continued my stiletto-clad sprint to class. The hall was packed with students, most of them making faces and starring at me like I was crazy. True I didn’t have much grace in my panicked rush, but what the hell was everyone looking at?? Hasn’t anyone been late to class? As I rounded the corner, I got a glance at the front of my skirt. Oh…. MY……. DEAR GOD!!!! In the middle of my bathroom frenzy, I had tucked the front of my skirt inside my control top SHEER pantyhose. Take a moment to visualize; the front of your short skirt is folded under then pulled up around your waist stabilized with a thick, tightening band of nylon. I pretty much was walking down the hallway in nothing but black control top pantyhose pulled up to my chest with bright Hello Kitty granny panties peeking through!!!! You can’t make this stuff up. Horrified, I ducked between two vending machines, fixed my skirt, prayed none of my classmates were in the hall then walked into class.

My prayers weren’t answered, I was greeted with laughs and a “Hello, Kitty!” yelled across the room.

Marya
Birmingham, AL

GYNA gals – how the heck are ya? In my tale of wardrobe malfunction, I give a whole new meaning to “opening myself up,” to the world.

Let us venture back to a time where working 8am to 5pm was exciting and presenting in front of coworkers –especially in a large office where it’s impossible to know everyone –was like getting asked out by the star quarterback at a Division I college. I was an assistant at an investment banking group and had quickly mastered a new software program that was being required. Because of my brilliance, our VP asked me to conduct training. This was my time. My stage! My spotlight! I would give a perfect performance ….er…. presentation! I had practiced with the proxima, edited my Power Point a thousand times, struggled over my makeup palate with matching power outfit, ran over my punch lines and I was ready.

The day came and it went seamless. Being a student of theatre, I kept my eye at the back of the room so my voice was perfectly projected and didn’t make much eye contact as not to single out anyone. Afterwards, I was walking through the crowded sales floor, awaiting all the praise when my girlfriend (who wasn’t in the meeting) told me that someone was standing in the presentation with their zipper down. HAHAHA! What an idiot, I thought. I walked over to the guys I assisted, told them the story. One of them with a white face said, “I’m so embarrassed, I don’t know how to tell you this. Lauren, you’re the one with your zipper down.”

Not only did I give my entire presentation with my zipper down, I had walked through the office (a few extra gloated laps) with my zipper ALL THE WAY DOWN AND WIDE OPEN!!! Take a needle and pop that confidence balloon.

GYNA-mite!!!

Right out of high school, I got a job waitressing at a local restaurant. Back then, I was kinda poor, so I only had a couple of bras to wear. Well, this one day, the bra I was wearing was so worn out that it finally gave out.

I was at a table and was reaching for something, and the strap tore! So picture this, one boob was hanging out (still under my shirt) and the other was still in the cup of the bra, and I still had to work. I didn’t have a choice, I had to finish my shift with my boob bouncing everywhere! I tried to act like nothing happened but inside I was dying!!

I don’t know how the day ended. I think I’ve blocked it from memory!! I did want to say, thanks for the blog, I can now laugh about this!

Lisa
Webster Groves, MO

I was called to jury duty a few years back. I reluctantly attended in spite of having to miss a fun company outing the same day. I showed up on a warm spring day clad in cute bermuda shorts only to be turned away since they do not allow shorts in the courtroom.

I was determined to fulfill my obligation since I had already taken off a day from work and was missing out on a day of fun. I rummaged through my car and found a pair of sheer curtains which had not quite made it back to the store to be returned. I went to the bathroom, wrapped myself in the sheers and proceeded back to check in for jury duty. I no longer had shorts on, more of a sari looking attire. More than my appearance, the look I received from the attendant at the desk indicated how pathetic I looked.
Needless to say, I wasn’t admitted to jury duty that day. On an upswing, I was never contacted again for jury duty.

Mary
Naperville, IL

During my teenager years, I paid much more attention to how I looked before I left the house then I do now. Today, before leaving the house, I just pray I remember my phone, sunglasses to hide the make-up-less eyes, and a sweater or scarf, as my 30+ year old body is always cold.

In eighth grade an excursion to the mall was a big event. So, one Saturday I pined away, planning my outfit. One that would be suitable enough to parade around the food court, and my beloved polyester and rayon boutiques selling bargains for $7.99. I threw a white cotton jacket over my t-shirt and jean skirt and made my way down the street to meet my BFF.

The gang was waiting for me on the porch, braces gleaming at me. I thought I made a good choice with the outfit. As I approached I finally noticed something rubbing against my leg. I looked down to retrieve my mother’s white bra that attached itself to the velcro of my hip jacket.

I heard the laughter of my fellow fashion victims of the ‘80′s. Today, I can laugh about it, then I wanted to die!

Grace
Chicago, IL

Underwear can be tricky, those little bitches. They’re either super supportive or completely ornery. We’ve all had bad days with our fabric friends, which usually resulted in an embarrassing moment or awkward-looking stance. Our business below the belt functions differently than boys, they can just rock commando anytime they want, but for us, once a month, we have to call-in backup and secure the area…. and sometimes our operation can go awry and get very messy. PUN INTENDED! And WE’RE the ones who are suppose to be pretty all the time?!?

Anywho, ladies, say hello to my girl, Trace. You’ll find from her story below that, she, like many of us, faced the Battle of The Britches and lost. All together now, “GIRL, YOU’RE NOT ALONE!!”

It’s Sunday morning. As I get out of shower, I’m in the best mood. It’s the weekend, there is sun outside and my monthly cycle is basically over, cramps and all. I decide to look cute for my boyfriend; don a little faux glow,  where a white t-shirt and white fancy panties (white is his favorite color.) Just to be safe, I put on a panty liner.

I’m now in the kitchen cooking up breakfast, making coffee, eggs and dancing around the house, humming to the music. I’m in my own happy go lucky world. My lovely boyfriend is watching, smiling and hugging me – telling me how much he loves me and how cute I am. The world is perfect in that moment. All of a sudden, he looks down and starts flapping something on the outside of my underwear, right at the crotch area, laughing. I look down and realized that I had my cute little panties on inside out with the panty liner still attached and flapping between my legs. I practically died of embarrassment.