I’ve put many things under my armpits… okay, that sounded really bad. What I meant was.. I have put many odor/perspiration fighting antidotes under my armpits when I was out of deodorant, but the following story is above and beyond the creativity I’ve used in these situations.  After I heard this, I had to give myself mouth to mouth. Don’t ask how I did it… I’m sure someone has it on video, but I laughed that hard.

I’ve been with the same company for seven years and over the years, made close friends with counter-parts in different cities. A friend and coworker, came to Chicago for work last week and stayed with me. Work/Slumber Party is much more fun than a boring hotel room.  Anyhow, the first morning she was here, I went to work super early and she came a little later. She carried-on her bags and didn’t bring any toiletries because of the terrorist-proof regulations at the airport.  She planned on using my toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo…etc.

Side Note: Seriously, terrorists have SO not caught on to the fact that they shouldn’t bring their powder weapons in a shampoo bottle or in form of baby formula. Go airports, go! Out-smart those terrorists! It completely makes sense to take away my $60, 5 oz. moisturizer because it could be saturated with bomb powder!!!  I’m bitter.

Continuing the story, when she got to the office, she yanked me to the side and asked me what she smelled like.  The scent was very fresh smelling… very familiar. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I asked her why – maybe it’s because she’s a smoker and didn’t want to smell like smoke.. I had no idea. Then she went on to tell me she couldn’t find my deodorant.  Hello, it’s in the medicine cabinet. “Where is that? I only saw two mirrors over your bathroom counter,” she asked. When I told her that the mirror on the left IS the medicine cabinet she just looked at me. “Are you kidding?!” I still didn’t understand why this was a big deal. I asked her if she found the deodorant. “No,” she said. Then I asked what she did in place of deodorant? “The only thing I could find was your Febreze Air Freshener so I tested it out and it wasn’t sticky so I thought, it’s good enough to fight bacteria and odors, so it’ll work on sweat.” YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SNORTING THAT AIR FRESHNER!!! YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE LAVENDAR FRESH SMELL IS MY LAVENDER FEBREZE WHICH HOUSES AT THE BACK OF MY TOILET TO DIFUSE THE SMELL OF ASS AND YOU USED IT AS DEODORANT???  Yes, that is exactly what she was saying.

She was wearing white and desperate.. so she took a chance with Febreze. After all, it does come in other forms like.. fabric spray and the kind you plug into a socket.. so why not use it to soak up pit-sweats?

Later that day, her armpits were itching because she broke out in a rash. PRICELESS!! Innovation gone wrong. I say “A” for creativity, though. I would’ve stuffed toilet paper in my purse and dabbed throughout the day.