Yes, I’m making a list and exposing you to it. I don’t think I’ve ever made a list of my New Year’s Resolutions. Not even when I was a preteen and writing into my pink polka-dot journal. I was more of an announcer.. I liked my stage. I would interrupt whatever TV show my family was watching (I’m a child of four and my parents were married until I was 28) and announce my resolution for the year:

My resolution for 1992 is to get my driver’s license and drive by myself to Ashley’s.

My resolution for 1993 is to get asked to prom as a Sophomore, roll my hair everyday and have the best split leap on my dance team.

My resolution for 2002 is to not bounce ANY rent checks… and stop eating burritos at 3am…. and lose 30 lbs… and pay my heat and electric bill in the same month.

So… I’m sharing with you my first EVER written resolutions… even though we’re 12 days into 2010.. WHATEVER.. it’s starts when I say it starts! Here’s my list for 2010 (by the way.. I have a make-shift spotlight shining down on me.. I still have to have a stage. Nevermind I have to squat as my spotlight happens to be my desk lamp. My back hurts.) The unveiling:

1) Get your ass up and workout in the morning. C’mon, you can do it. Don’t you want your nights free?

2) Cry tears of JOY, not pity.. JOY, DAMN IT!

3) Don’t harp on 2009.

4) Don’t get your purse stolen, have a flat tire twice, be hospitalized with kidney problems, lose your phone, get in a car accident, have your car broken into, get a boot on your car, lock yourself out of the office. Just don’t relive 2009. Refer to #3 as well.

5) Use a lint brush for goodness sakes!

6) Don’t do your makeup and halfway through decide you’re too tired to finish the smokey-eye look. You can’t truly rockout one color of silver eye shadow all the way to your eyebrows.. that died in the 80′s.. you know…when you were 8 and not allowed to wear make-up.

7) Call my mother and my sister.. LESS. I stalk them. It’s a bit unhealthy. It makes my mother worry.. she tells me this all the time. My sister just gets annoyed.

WRITE!!!!!!!!! WRITE!! WRITE!!!

9) Hunt some bitches down and get more empowering stories from wonderful women.

10) Laugh as loud as you want and don’t apologize for it.

11) Learn that “Thank you” is enough.

12) Your boobs will never be back to your chest without 5 g’s  and a damn good surgeon so suck it up and deal.

13) Google why wine is good for you. MEMORIZE IT and preach it.

14) Try to wear sexier pj’s for your boyfriend. He’s lying when he says he doesn’t mind your Christmas-themed flannels year round.

I could go on… but I think that will do. I may change it a THOUSAND times. But, it feels good for now.

Cheers… to embracing what embarrasses us and giving it a little chuckle.

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