Walmart + Kids = Good Fun
This story is from a fellow blogger, Charmaine, http://randalswife.blogspot.com/
If you’re a mom, you will totally relate and laugh. If you’re childless like me, you will still snort wine out your nose with laughter…. then wonder if you could handle kids…
Picture, if you will… I am at Wal-Mart with my two boys, 4 year old Israel and nearly 1 year old Elijah. Elijah is buckled in the cart because I really don’t need a head trauma right now and Israel is running up and down the aisles because this is Wal-Mart and I’m running low on shame. About halfway through shopping Israel tells me he has to go “poo-poo on the potty.” So I take him to the back of the store and he tells me he doesn’t have to go anymore. After checking and asking a couple of times, I determine he really doesn’t have to go anymore and I finish shopping. As I’m standing in line, Israel starts again, “Mama, I have to go poo-poo on the potty.”
To which I reply, “Ok, we’re checking out right now and then I’m going to pay for our groceries and then we’ll go to the bathroom. Can you hold it for a little while?”
Israel, “Ok.”
Well, this happens a couple of more times and I finally point out the bathroom and tell him that it’s right there and we are almost done. After I pay for the groceries we are going to run over there together and go potty. He walks up the the front and says, “That bathroom right there?”
“Yup, that’s the one,” I answer as I hear the cashier gasp. I turn around and discover Elijah Houdini has escaped the buckle and is standing up now. So while I’m bucking him back in, the cashier points out that Israel is running to the bathrooms. I turn around just in time to see him run into the men’s room.
Great. What am I supposed to do? Please don’t judge me. I just stayed with Elijah and the cart and kept my eye on the bathrooms and hoped that the cashier would be fast enough that I could get over before the inevitable happened. She wasn’t. As I’m wrestling with Elijah, I hear a sweet mom voice saying, “Where’s your mommy?”
Please, don’t let it be me. I turn around to see my 4 year-old son standing outside the bathrooms with his pants around his ankles asking for someone to wipe his bottom. Pants around ankles. Luckily the little guy is pretty well-endowed, but I really don’t want to encourage exhibitionism.
Words cannot describe how I felt though.
So I turn around to the cashier who was a very sweet older lady and seemed to understand the situation. Luckily there was no one in line behind me so I just left the cart, my purse, and my baby to run and get Israel. I took him into the women’s room and wiped him and told him to wash his hands and come back out – I had to go get everything else.
It was a walk of shame going back out of the bathroom, past the mom with 3 young girls who was asking who Israel’s mommy was, past the young couple sitting outside the bathrooms and past all the other random people at Super Wal-Mart on a Saturday and back to the cashier and my other son and waiting groceries.
I made it out with both sons and all my groceries, but all my pride was left behind.
Tags: embarrassing stories, female funny stories, female humor, funny kids stories, funny stories, girl youre not alone, mommy blogs, moms, Parenting, women humor
September 14th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
I love, love, FREAKIN’ LOVE this story. As Lauren knows (since I’m her sister), I’m a mom to a three-year-old, potty-training son and can totally see this happening. That’s such a little boy thing to do – walk out and ask if someone can wipe him and not even blink with embarrassment. Well, you cannot make this stuff up, but you CAN make me roar with laughter as I read this late at night, when my son’s asleep and I feel like I have some SEMIBLANCE of a life. “I love the nightlife…I love to boogie…”
THANK YOU, CHARMAINE!!! And, Lauren, for passing it on!!!
October 6th, 2009 at 8:58 am
HAHA! My 2 1/2 year old refuses to potty…repeat, REFUSES. We went to the pumpkin patch last weekend with my girlfriend, Tedgie, who doesn’t have children but does thinks being a mother is quite hilarious (if she only knew;). So, I go potty in the port-o-potty, eeeeewwww-need I say more? And I comment to Tedgie that I am so thankful at this moment that Jilianne doesn’t use the potty. OF COURSE, at that moment, she starts tugging at her pants and saying “mommy, I potty. mommy, I POTTY.” I look down and say, “honey, potty in your diaper like a good girl-that potty is yucky.” I say this just in time for what I am sure was the mom of the year to overhear me and give me the “bad mommy” look. Whatever, I knew what I was doing!