Las Freakhas
Everyone who has gone to Las Vegas has a story. It’s the nature of the beast, any place that’s nicknamed Sin City is going to be an adventure for anyone who goes, even my 57 year old mother who went for a nursing convention (even though her “wild” time was having one fruity cocktail in a casino – still, HER adventure.) From the horse’s mouth to third-party, I’ve heard some doozies, but I got a little uncomfortable at my girlfriend’s story. She was so dumbfounded by her encounter that she was still in disbelief two weeks later.
She was on a little trip to Vegas with a few girlfriends and they started talking to these men at a swanky bar. The man she was talking to was very handsome, a lawyer, checked-out well and was super nice. They met up the next night and after a session of cocktail throw-backs they reverted to making-out in public. She was in Vegas, right? Why not let your hair down? Seriously, she’s a conservative person… live a little! They then moved from the bar to the hotel lobby to the elevator to her room. The FREAKY part:
Here’s this hot guy in her hotel room – they’ve been making out in public for hours. As soon as they get to her room… he won’t kiss her, but he licks her ankles, feet and toes. Oh god… I’m going to puke. I’m just not a foot person. GAG!!! GAG!!! AHHHH! Then he turns her over, pulls up her skirt and licks her butt cheeks! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU FREAK???? So she’s in complete shock – freaking out – so embarrassed and doesn’t know how to take it so she turned around – think Sex in the City moment. Not taking the hint… he trys to prompt her to beat or whip him with something then starts talking like a straight-up masochist – she finally asks him to leave – appalled and shocked, he storms out. Slap me with a flapjack, but DUDE, you just met a complete stranger and licked her in places she’ll only touch with a washcloth and your reaction is shocked? I don’t know if she’ll ever go to Vegas again, but if she does, I know she’ll wear full-on Spanx (for rear protection, not belly control) and forgo sandals.
I have so many questions, but I’m too disturbed to ask them. Listen, I know this guy was in Vegas and I’m guessing his vacation goal was to live out some whacked-out fantasy inspired by Cinemax After Dark, but I know this girl, and she’s not the type to prompt that. You should see me right now… I’m red typing this.
I started Googling about sexual freakiness in Vegas… here’s a good article:
http://www.4hoteliers.com/4hots_fshw.php?mwi=3001
I leave you with this; Girl, I wish you were alone in this situation… but, I’m 100% sure, you’re not!
Tags: dating mistakes, embarrasing stories, embarrssing, girl youre not alone, las vegas stories, one night stands, sex stories, women dating, women humor, women men
May 28th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Being that Tuesday was the ol’ 7th wedding anniversary with the hubby, we will be using your friend’s misfortune as a guideline this weekend for sparking it up in the baby-proofed bedroom VEGAS STYLE!!! We need all the tips we can get at this point.
So, saying that, MAYBE this man was really married for several years, and what you “unmarrieds” consider freaky is the only way married people who have had YEARS of sex can even get going! It’s much like how cigarette smokers, after years and years of smoking have to eat spicy foods just to taste anything since they’ve killed their tastebuds.
Just a theory…
May 28th, 2009 at 9:19 am
You’re sick, Rye. If marriage involves rear licking… I’m out.
May 28th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Okay, okay – I was TOTALLY kidding about my “theory” above – realizing now that someone might take my sarcastic humor as my true point of view.
Truthfully – I would have taken that freak up on his masochistic wishes and would have knocked him out cold with the hotel bedside Bible.